What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 00:20
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
It was going to be , some day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
But it wasn’t much.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why do I feel so tired all the time even after a good night’s sleep?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And i lived it daily.
Why do females hate MGTOW so much?
What did i know ?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Would you date/marry a guy younger than you? If no, why not?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Is TikTok becoming a platform for soft porn?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She wouldn,t have been !
I was seconnd youngest,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Does eating bread before bed make you fat? If so, why?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Can you explain the meaning of "mint condition" in relation to antiques or collectibles?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She found it foreign!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She married twice! .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We were not on the streets..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was very sick at this time too.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was in good health!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We all went to grammer schools
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I couldn’t, believe it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
When she asked me how she looked .
Im still living with it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I don,t even have a pension.
I think the readers, may guess!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My family never makes their pension either.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One cannot live in the past .
I never cut or harmed myself..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I said to her
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was scared of men, in general
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
All the time i was locked up.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I waited trembling.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She loved him until the end.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So, i spoilt her more .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As i do to all so called friends.?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I could never make a relationship work though!
But, we were locked up after school.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Comes on , in middle age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Ive learnt so much.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Who then, do I blame.?
So whats the point in blame.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I will be 64.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I write beautiful poetry .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He knew the spot.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
This is soul school!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My life is so biszare .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.